top 5

time is important,  time is a real hot commodity for a mother.  just ask one if  she would shave her head for just 15 minutes of sound sleep.   time management consumes my life, i hate it!  but with 2 small kids, a husband who travels,  two jobs and a burning desire to run like wind i NEED major time management.  most of the time my delicate scales of balance are waaaaay out of whack.  i know this because all of a sudden i am sitting on the couch in the middle of tons of laundry crying, screaming at my kids, begging them to just phaleeeez be quiet for two friggin seconds!!!  at that moment, nothing is right, my whole universe has imploded!

i am always trying to keep my eyes on the family scales of balance and often i feel pulled strongly to one side or the other, that pull drives me nuts!  for example when i am trying desperately to edit 500 images and my two year old will not go down for a nap, my phone will not stop ringing and my daughter wants to listen to reggae in the living room.  i am constantly pulling and fighting my way along to get things done, but what things do i NEED to get done?  at the end of the day the answer to this question determines success for me.  did i do what is really important to me?  if i did then i did all right. this makes my heart feel light and i am kind to myself, if i did NOTi tend to beat myself up and feel like i have failed on every level.

I read something i few months ago that helped me keep a better grip on how i keep that feeling of failure in check.  I believe that how i spend my time reflects what is important to me.  i made a list of my top 5 priorities, they are 1- family/home life, 2- marriage, 3-health, 4- friends, 5- support my inner desires/ explore life.  every now and then when i am overwhelmed with the realization that i can not possibly clean the bathroom today and that voice in my head says i am a terrible person and the negativity begins to ruin it all.  i just stop and say, not so.  a clean bathroom is NOT on my list of happiness, it will wait and guess what?  it does.  going for a long run IS on the list.  i have never come back from a run and thought " man, i wish i had spent that hour cleaning the toilet"  If i just focus on my list and my hearts desire, i am a happy girl.  oh, things still go wrong, i make tragic mistakes and the bathroom does get to me, but overall i feel like i am living my dream, well i am.  i wrote down my top five and every day i can see myself showing up to get it.

i would like to ask all of you to make your top 5 and see if you are spending time on things that really, REALLY matter to you.  if you are not, WHY NOT?  what the hell are you waiting on?

xo, zak