progress not perfection...
This past weekend I spoke about live+love+move at East End Market in the Sunshine State at the “BE A REVOLUTIONARY Health Expo. The mile markers of connection to your heart, connection to your body and connection to the earth.
The heart is all about love & gratitude & grace. And the opposite is fear. I spoke about how it stifles and kills dreams and darkens hope. And then I spoke about love again. When I got home I felt like I did not give fear center-stage… yet it has written so much of my script. I thought about my hundred-miler this weekend and how very scared I am. So scared…that the word ‘shit-scared’ becomes real…because the moment I think about what I am about to do, I well….have to go potty. Fear of failing. Fear that I may not live up to family and friends. Fear that your expectation of me is way higher than who I am. And of course there is me not living up to me. The realization that fear can change you and make you dark, but it can also change you and make you brave. It is sometimes good to be scared. Especially when it’s a ‘safe’ scared. Like running a race. Or doing something cool that you have never done before. Or standing tall in the midst of struggle to hear your voice. To be able to allow the fear to be there in a moment and just be okay with it. To shine the light on fear. Move through it with prayer. Move it by listening to music & singing out loud. Move it with aromatherapy and essential oils. Move through it with friends at your side. Its when we get stuck there and the world become too dark it manifests into something more…untruths and whispers of ‘not good enough’. If. If I can feel it and still move through it, it opens up. I grow. And those little brave wings on my back flitter and I think “but what if I fly?” The possibility that I may crush it. Or not. When you feel fear…think about that moment in all its grandeur… a beating heart, wrenching gut, maybe nauseous, and possibly a potty-break (lol) Its awesome in its power. It makes us human and real and love can win even in the face of fear when it looks honest and is grounded in humanity and truth.
I used to be so scared before a ballet recital that I would faint backstage. And then I would dance. My palms sweat and my heart races every time I stand before a crowd to talk. And then I present. Every time I register for a race, I have to pooh after hitting submit. I feel phantom pains and aches pre-race and give myself excuses not to start. And then I do.
Always forward. Always move. Always love and prayers. Believing that I am not alone. Surrendering to the power of my faith….in something way bigger than me.
I believe that standing at the start-line means months of training. Hours of struggling. There is no failure there…only glory and guts. And just like the many miles that got me there…. I will do my best on race day… and that is always good enough. So f–k you fear. I am gonna try anyway.
Be brave rockstar-runners. You have one beautiful beating heart. And one amazing life. Design your best story. BE adventure…and that means light and dark, strength and weakness, fear and love.